


Frank: Pretty Woman?

by trapezoidscheme



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen, Trans Character, Trans Dee, love this trans family, misgendering //, this transmily, trans artemis, trans dennis, trans woman frank, transphobia //
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-13 20:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10520862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trapezoidscheme/pseuds/trapezoidscheme
Summary: “Like me and Dee- we’re not men, right?” Frank shrugs, then nods furiously when Artemis starts reaching for the kitchen knives. She smiles her approval and drops her hand.  “So maybe you’re not a man either.”“Huh.” Frank pours himself another drink.“Yeah.”Set right after "Charlie Rules the World"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on Tumblr! I'm @mcpoylehateblog

Dennis bursts into the apartment halfway through Charlie’s rant, making weird noises that Frank only later registers as some kind of accent. Whatever. Frank can’t be asked to keep track of his kids’ nationalities. They can figure that out by themselves.

He feels a weird pang of sadness when Dennis tells them that their game characters are gone. Like he’s losing some part of himself. Yeah, it’s all part of that weird “I am God” shit the kid has going on, but it’s not like he has to take it out on the rest of them. Oh, well. All things end, and there will always be another scheme. Another opportunity. But in the meantime…

“Deandra, give me the coat.” Dee was tense today and she probably doesn’t need any hounding from him, but Frank really likes the mink. He likes the way it made his character look. Likes the way it made him feel.

“No way Frank, get your own!” This results in a brief wrestling match, in which Dee never really stood a chance, not in her fragile state. She’s lost four of her fake nails by the time Charlie pulls them apart and starts yelling again. Amidst the commotion, Frank escapes the apartment and steps into the burning Philly sun with the coat draped around his shoulders and a spring in his step. Artemis can probably help him figure this out. She’ll know what to do, and if she doesn’t, at least he’ll have someone to get high with.

He walks to Artemis’s apartment with his head held high, the fur dragging on the sidewalk behind him and snagging on various fire hydrants. People stare, sure, but Frank feels like godamn royalty.

“Arty!” He bangs on her door with all of his might, bottle of expensive alcohol in his grasp. She swings the door open and looks him up and down, purses her lips.

“Nice coat,” she says in way of greeting, and gestures for Frank to step through. He thanks her with a proud grin. 

“You gotta help me, Artemis, I feel like I’m goin’ nuts,” Frank says once they’re stood in the kitchen and Artemis is opening the bottle. She hums in agreement as she reaches for some glasses, and Frank takes that as a sign to continue. 

He tells her about the game, how he named his character “Sweet Peaches,” how he liked having breasts and gossiping with the village ladies. How this mink coat makes him feel more powerful than a suit ever could. How all this felt so natural, which scares him. Artemis nods along, thoughtfully sips at her drink. 

“Have you ever thought about not being a man, Frank?” she asks in a thoughtful tone.

Frank stops in his tracks, downs his drink in one go and blinks at Artemis. “The shit are you talking about?

“Like me and Dee- we’re not men, right?” Frank shrugs, then nods furiously when Artemis starts reaching for the kitchen knives. She smiles her approval and drops her hand.  “So maybe you’re not a man either.”

“Huh.” Frank pours himself another drink. 

“Yeah.”

~~~~

The next day, Frank sweeps into the bar wearing one of Artemis’s flowy shirts and the mink coat. Dee sits at the bar and picks at her remaining fake nails, scowling in Frank’s direction. 

“Dude, what are you wearing?” Mac asks, making a sweeping gesture at Frank’s outfit. He’s playing pool with Dennis, probably losing spectacularly. 

“Yeah, Frank, what the hell?” Dennis continues with the line of questioning as he sinks the eight-ball. Mac lets out a frustrated groan, digs through his pocket, and slaps a twenty dollar bill into Dennis’s outstretched hand. Frank feels a rush of pride.

“I’m a woman now,” Frank says, spreads her hands out and spins around, grinning at the shocked faces. Charlie emerges from the bathroom just in time to hear Frank’s confession and blinks slowly, scratching the back of his head. The only sound in the room is an angry pop as Dee forcefully pulls a fake nail off her pinky finger.

Mac recovers first, looks Frank up and down again. “That’s cool, I guess,” he says with a shrug, and starts retrieving the balls to start another game. Dennis stands stock-still, jaw hanging open, doesn’t even move when Mac pokes his side with a pool cue.

“So, just like that, you’re a woman now?” Dee breaks her own stony silence, pushes herself off the bar stool and rounds on Frank, gestures with her last remaining fingernails. Frank shrugs in response, rocks up on her toes and back on her heels. Dee lets out a frustrated yell, throws up her hands and turns to Dennis, who hasn’t moved since Frank broke the news.

“I mean if that’s what you want, Frank…” Charlie trails off, unsure. 

“Artemis helped me figure it out. It’s all very simple-” Frank starts, and Dennis barks out a sudden laugh.

“Simple?” Dennis’s tone is quiet, dangerous. A slow smile spreads across Dee’s face and she quickly moves to stand with Dennis, putting up a united front against Frank. “You think any of this--” Dennis gestures down to his own body, “was SIMPLE?”

Mac makes eye contact with Charlie, gives a quick nod to the door, and they both slowly start to inch out of the bar. 

“Don’t you fucking dare go anywhere, Mac, or I swear to god I will slit your throat when you sleep,” Dennis growls. Dee gives Charlie a pointed look and Charlie sighs, puts up his hands in a gesture of surrender and collapses into a booth. Mac follows suit with a loud sigh. 

“I don’t understand what the hell your problem is!” Frank glares at her children (well, not biological children, but children all the same). She should have known they wouldn’t take well to this, or any kind of change, really. When Dee and Dennis were little, they both refused to eat breakfast for a full month every time the maid started buying a different kind of cereal. 

“It took me years--” Dee starts.

“Years!” Dennis chimes in.

“--years to figure out that I was a woman. And it was so painful--”

“Painful!”

“Shut up Dennis!" Dee takes a deep breath. "Realizing that I’m a woman was really hard, Frank, you don’t understand what any of this means.” Dennis nods next to Dee, jabs an accusing finger in Frank’s direction.

“You treated us like shit when we came out!” Dennis says. “You  _  punched  _ Dee!” Dee mimes punching herself in the eye for emphasis. 

“Are you two done?” Frank asks, mood suddenly sour. The twins falter under the anger in her tone, avoid eye contact with her and study the floorboards with matching furrowed brows. Frank turns on her heel, gives Mac and Charlie a curt nod and storms out of the bar, chin held high. 

Mac gives a low whistle from his vantage point in the booth. “Ho-ly shit.”

“Shut up, Mac,” Dennis mutters.

Charlie stands up to look out the window, but Frank is already out of sight. “You guys think Frank is okay? This is a lot, even for him.” There’s a beat. “Her?” Charlie asks no one in particular

Dee scoffs, shakes her head in disbelief.

“I will give you a hundred dollars and do a week’s worth of Charlie Work if Frank sticks with this for more than a week,” Dennis says, eyes blazing. 

Charlie ponders this. “One month,” he suggests.

“One week.”

“Three weeks.”

“Five days.”

“One week,” Charlie says with a nod. Dennis grins widely, reaches out to shake Charlie’s hand.

“You’ve got yourself a deal.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank throws herself headfirst into all the trans business, and she feels better than ever. The rest of the gang have some problems, though.

The next week finds self-proclaimed Golden God Dennis Reynolds on his knees in the men’s bathroom of Paddy’s  Pub, cursing Frank’s name under his breath. He’s been reduced to this, scrubbing the urinals while Charlie stands above him, silently gloating and occasionally informing him of a spot he’s missed. Ten arduous minutes of this pass until Dennis sits back on his heels, groaning. 

“I can’t do this, Charlie,” he complains. “Can’t you just take my money and move on?”

But Charlie’s still riding high on his success in last week’s stupid video game and enjoying this newfound power, so he kicks Dennis’s side lightly and grins in lieu of a response. That dick.

“I don’t have to deal with this, you know,” Dennis grumbles as he picks up the toothbrush again. Another kick to the side, and he starts scrubbing.

Charlie wanders out of the bathroom after a while, leaving Dennis to hopefully finish the cleaning. Once the bathroom door swings shut, Dennis sighs in relief, throws down the tooth brush, and reaches for the whiskey Charlie keeps under the sink. This technically counts as Charlie Work, he tells himself. It’s half of what Charlie does, anyway. 

In the bar, Frank is saying something to Mac about “living on the edge” and “being yourself,” gesturing widely with an excited edge to her voice. Mac is sitting on the edge of a bar stool, almost religiously hanging on to every word. Dee leans against the bar with a beer in her hand, rolling her eyes every so often. 

“What’s going on?” Charlie asks cautiously. With Frank these days, you never really know what you’re getting yourself into.

“Oh, dude, Charlie, you gotta hear this!” Mac jumps up, tugs Charlie’s wrist excitedly. Charlie lets himself get dragged into a stool and grabs a mostly-full beer that someone has abandoned on the counter. Dee wrinkles her nose at him (“Really, Charlie?”), but he only shrugs in response and takes a sip. The people who come into their bar are mostly clean, probably. Not any dirtier than he is. Frank waits for silence, sticks out her lower lip until all eyes are focused on her again.

“So, Artemis was telling me--” Charlie interrupts Frank with a loud groan. Frank stops to look at him, blinking in confusion. “What the hell’s wrong with Artemis?”

“Well--” Charlie falters. Hearing about Artemis was getting increasingly annoying, but Frank has been so happy lately, maybe he shouldn’t-- fuck it. Didn’t Dee’s therapist tell her something about letting your true feelings be known? And Charlie Kelly is a man of feelings, after all. “You’ve been spending so much time with Artemis lately! I feel like you never have any time for me-and-you stuff anymore!”

Frank’s expression falls, then hardens, and Charlie starts wishing that he had stayed in the bathroom with Dennis, where it was safe and warm. With a huff of frustration, he throws his hands up, jumps down from the bar stool, takes a page out of Mac’s book and storms out. 

“If you’re ready to have fun again, you know where to find me!” The door slams with a sense of finality and Frank scratches her head and looks at Mac for answers, only to be met with an uneasy shrug.

Outside of Paddy’s, Charlie breathes out a sigh. He’s never gotten to storm out like that before, because Mac or Dennis or Frank always end up storming out first. It feels good. It feels really good.

~~~

“You know I still love you, right, kid?” Charlie stiffens when Frank speaks. It's late. It's late, it’s 3am and they’re supposed to be asleep but the cat food hasn’t taken effect yet, and Frank’s words hang heavy in the air between them. There’s a strange breathiness to her voice that definitely wasn’t there before. Charlie releases his breath in a whoosh of air and squirms his way closer to her.

“I know.”

~~~

Frank teeters into the bar the next day on five-inch heels, wearing a long, bright red wig and leopard-print leggings. Her chin is raised high and she fights to keep her expression neutral while she pinballs from one supportive surface to another. When they see her, Dennis and Dee howl with laughter, gripping each other for support and gasping for air. 

“Holy shit, dude,” Charlie says from his perch on the pool table. He doesn’t say anything else, just turns his head back to the TV and only devotes some of his attention to the scene unfolding behind him.

“I think Frank looks fine,” Mac says to the floor, his hands folding over each other. Frank ignores them all, only says a curt “beer me” to Mac, which Mac quickly obliges. 

“Jesus Christ, Frank, not even Dee looked that hideous when she was buying her own clothes for the first time!” Dennis says, still chuckling. Dee glows at the backhanded praise, smiling smugly next to him and nodding passionately in agreement. 

“Arty helped me pick this out,” Frank says, unable to restrain herself from speaking. The shopping had been hell; Frank had no idea how difficult it was to match shoes to pants to shirts to wigs... But Artemis had been so excited about this outfit, fussed over the wig for hours and constantly told Frank how good she looked in those heels. It was best to give credit where credit is due.

“Arty--  _ Artemis?”   _ Dee says incredulously. “She dresses like a cheap hooker, Frank! You should have asked me instead.” 

“Maybe I would, if you weren’t such a bitch,” Frank says, jabbing an accusing finger in Dee’s direction. Mac and Dennis make sounds of agreement while Dee rolls her eyes.

“Whatever, Frank,” Dee says. She grabs her purse from behind the bar and walks out into the alleyway, ignoring Mac and Dennis’s jeers and bird-calls. Charlie shrugs, nabs a lighter off the top of the TV, and follows her out her out. Dennis’s eyes trail the two of them suspiciously, and he files the information away for later

“Women are so dramatic,” Mac says, shaking his head, and Dennis nods in agreement.

“Does that include me?” Frank asks, cocking her head. Dennis snorts, but Mac shrugs and nods.

“Sure Frank, that includes you.  _ All  _ women are dramatic.” Frank puffs out her chest, adjusts the wig with an air of self-satisfaction. She can be a dramatic woman, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @ mcpoylehateblog !!  
> the next chapter might have some Trans Scheme idk idk  
> definitely some Dee and Frank bonding time


End file.
